LEO:

I'll be with you in a minute here.

[Tuning]

LEO:

Aw, this can't happen ... there.  Excuse ... I'm sorry, I gotta make sure here.  Is that ... can you hear that?

I'm a little flustered because my instrument ... this instrument got here, but the other one didn't until about five minutes ago.  Having cleavage trouble here.

[Plays "Vaseline Machine Gun"]

LEO:

Thank you.  Can we get a little more monitor there? A little more direct in the monitor? Whoa.  You can turn it down a little.  Is that the direct?

[Plays "June Bug"]

LEO:

Thank you.

[Plays "Pamela Brown"]

LEO: [while still playing "Pamela Brown"]

Can't do that without looking at the fingerboard.

[Finishes playing "Pamela Brown"]

LEO:

I'm gonna eschew the vocal on this thing because I can't do it ... at least at this pitch; it's a step lower than it was on the record.

[Plays "Morning Is the Long way Home"]

LEO:

Thanks you ... I ... beautiful ... thank you ... thanks a lot.

[Plays medley: "Last Steam Engine" and "Stealing"]

LEO:

Thank you.  Thanks a lot.  Thank you.

[Tuning]

[Plays "Louise"]

LEO:

Thank you.

[Tuning]

LEO:

One time when I first heard this next song, or the first part of this song, I was with my father and he was telling me ... I was about ... I was in the sixth or seventh grade and he was trying to tell me not ... how to pretend not to fart.  If you've ever ... it's sort of like radio.  And this song ... we were in a Plymouth going in to Nebraska, and ... well, it's an important thing to learn, I guess.  Well, it depends on what you do later in life of.  It's not so important for me anymore, but .  .  .

You might be interested in knowing -- I think it was Bruce Botnick -- who pioneered, unsuccessfully, a new technique in vocal recording, which was ... which was anal -- I don't know how to put it -- and there's a lot about it that I can't tell you here.  One thing that should be obvious is that it didn't work.  But it wasn't obvious to Bruce.  But it's a form of ... what it amounts to ... never mind, I've forgotten what I was ... Oh! Anyhow, this came over the radio and the two of them combined to make a memorable moment.  I'll try re-create here.

[Leo starts playing "The San Antonio Rose," then stops]

LEO:

It didn't go that way.

[Plays medley: "The San Antonio Rose" and "The Spanish Entomologist"]

[Plays "Taking a Sandwich to a Feast," which he apparently renamed later (see below)]

LEO:

That's the last part of a song called "The Lost Mona Ray," who's a woman who sells furniture in Santa Barbara.

[Leo plays "Eggtooth"]

[Tuning]

LEO:

Ax-in-Hand has loaned me a guitar ... is there someone by the curtain over there that the could drag that thing out here ... or is it still there ... Ax-in-Hand ... maybe they stole it.  Well, it's a great guitar.  I hope we find it again.  I'd really like to thank Ax-in-Hand for their help.

[Plays "Eight Miles High"; toward the end of the guitar break, you can hear Leo humming to himself trying to find the pitch at which the vocal picks up again.]

[someone brings out a 6-string guitar]

LEO:

Ah! Well, I'll see what I can ...

[Plays "Beantime"]

LEO [as he's still playing "Beantime"]:

Where am I? That's where I'm supposed to be.  It doesn't matter, really.

[Finishes playing "Beantime"]

LEO:

Since I'm not taking a break in this show, can we get ... how about doing something radical with the lights.  I don't know -- whatever you got.  Wait a minute.  My Arnold Palmer here is ... all right.

You know, when it lags like that -- like this -- I always wish that I ... people prepare for these things ... I would like to have the presence of mind some day to bring a small goat out on stage with me.

Well, I'm ... goats are traditionally ... well, at a moment like this when you're waiting for the lights to do something radical, instead of getting irritated, or you know getting ... losing your train of thought and getting pissed and forgetting where you are, you could just reach down and strangle the goat.  But ... all the goat stranglers are in the back tonight.

Course, I don't have a goat ... if anybody brought their small child, I'd ... not under three, though, that'd break my heart.  Over three, I'd just ...

[Starts playing "The Fisherman"]

LEO:

Wait a minute.  Ah! I'm still ... excuse me.  I don't know why I did that.  I don't really want to know, I never have.

[Plays "The Fisherman"]

LEO:

The goat really, that was...

[Starts playing "A Good Egg"]

LEO:

This is a song about a ... you hear stories about people eating worms or saying they're going to ... that what this song's about.

LEO[while continuing playing intro to "A Good Egg"]:

It's a true story.  Course he hasn't started eating the worms yet, you can tell that.

[Tuning]

Ooo ... I'm going to change the pace here, play a couple more songs that start out with a ...

[Continues tuning]

This is a ... the guy with the worms, by the way, was a 26-year-old unemployed man at Camp Algonquin when I was six years old, just so you know I'm not shitting you in any way ... and this is a perverse sort of lullaby.

[Plays "The Tennessee Toad"]

LEO:

Aw, thank you ... just in time.

[Plays medley "Hear the Wind Howl" and "Busted Bicycle"]

LEO:

No, keep 'em [the lights] down ... thank you.

[Tuning]

LEO:

Is anyone here profession ... let's see, a clea ... what I'm trying to figure out is how ... see everybody I ever go to about singing, everybody I run into, I ask them about it ... oddly enough, the guy who's had the most to say so far was a singing sergeant in the, well, in the Singing Sergeants in the Air Force.  But like everyone else, he told me to use my diaphragm.  And what I was going to ask is how do you do that? Because ... because when you do use your diaphragm, whether or not that works -- I think it may be a myth -- it makes, it does, it causes gastric disturbances and what ... really, it does.  And what you wind up doing is halfway singing with your dia ... while you're singing because you don't want to burp in the middle of it.  It's sort of like pretending not to fart, only you can't pretend.  So if anybody ...

[Tuning]

LEO:

What I like is when I take one string somewhere and then bring it all the way back again ... indicates a firm resolve and great presence of mind.

[Tuning]

LEO:

Okay.  This is my ... I'm gonna close with a collection in [open] G [tuning].  It's a slow waltz and then a cantata and then something that I stole from a number of different places.  Most people will tell you that ...

[Tuning]

LEO:

Another good one is just reach down here to tune and just keep your finger there, not move it, sit around for awhile.

[Tuning]

LEO:

No ... there.

[Plays medley: "The Crow River Waltz," "Jesu, Joy," and "Jack Fig"]

LEO:

Thank you.  Thanks a lot.  Good night.

[Leo returns for encore; audience shouts out requests]

LEO:

Huh?

[Tuning]

LEO:

What?

[Fan shouts, "Blue Dot"]

LEO:

Boy, I wish I could remember "Blue Dot." I haven't played that in awhile.

[Fan shouts, "Think, Leo, think!"]

LEO:

What? I didn't hear that.  I don't hear anything ...

[Fan shouts again, "Think, Leo, think!"]

LEO:

Yeah right.  Oh, yeah.  Well, lemme ...

[Fans continue to shout, "Tiny Island," etc.]

[Leo switches guitars]

[Plays "Tiny Island"]

[Plays "Living in the Country"]

[Applause; Leo returns for second encore; wild applause]

[Tuning]

[Plays "Driving of the Year Nail"]

LEO:

Thank you.  I gotta go.  Thank you! Good night.  Thank you.  Thanks a lot.  Good night.  Thank you.

[Leo returns for third encore]

LEO:

I'm all outta stuff! Let's see ... huh?

[Plays "In Christ There Is No East or West"]

[Plays "From the Cradle to the Grave"]

LEO:

Thank you.  That's nice.  Good night.  You're very kind.  Thank you!

[Applause]

[The End]